News Ticker

Miss Adventure Presents… 2016 Chinese Horoscopes

with photos by Chris Davis

horoscope

Sai Kung waterfront

RAT: Your paranoia that nobody likes you intensifies when a member of your family is tortured and killed by a feral cat. Don’t be sad. You’ll realize he or she got off lightly when you discover what Fate has in store for you next week.

OX: You’re strong. That’s good. You’ll need to be this week when a neighbor complains that you’re full of bull.

TIGER: You’re King of the Concrete Jungle! Wrong. You’ve been hopelessly lost ever since Pi dropped you off on the wrong island.

RABBIT: You are inspired to go on a journey when cranes and diggers threaten to destroy your country park home. After a long and exhausting journey, you end up renting a hutch disguised as an apartment in Tseung Kwan O.

DRAGON: You’ve been dead for billions of years now, if you ever existed at all. Try not to get yourself too worked up about this. It’s only a couple more months until Series 6 of Games of Thrones hits HBO.

SNAKE: There’s a subtle difference between showing skin and shedding skin. You may want to consider a less revealing party outfit.

HORSE: Your recent win at Happy Valley has given you the confidence and the cash to travel the world in luxury. Unfortunately your first stop is Paris, where you naively stray into a Boucherie Chevaline.

horoscope4

All that you wish for and more

SHEEP: Your new look only succeeds in making you stand out from the crowd. Stop that shhhhtupidity. You’ll only find the outcome distressing when you’re banished from following the flock.

MONKEY: Your relationship with a partner suffers this year as your insistence you both experiment with swinging gets horribly misconstrued.

ROOSTER: Cockiness is no substitute for intelligence, as you’ll discover when you’re replaced at work by an ambitious hen who does your job better than you do.

DOG: You develop a new style of walking as your bum feels like it’s on fire. It’s not. You just need worming.

PIG: You’ll be tempted to buy a new sty, but it’s not worth the hassle of moving. You’ll get eaten no matter what Lunar New Year it is. You’re just tastier. Sorry about that.

Kung Hei Fat Choi everybody!

All horoscopes courtesy of that clairvoyant genius, Miss Adventure from RTHK Radio 3, AKA Sadie Kaye www.sadiekaye.tv

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s