Ask ‘Auntie’ Sadie

Dear Auntie Sadie,

I was walking from my home to my car in Jade Villa when a leaf from a towering palm tree fell on my head. Although I was not physically injured in the untimely assault, my feelings were hurt and my bouffant retro 1980s hairdo was hideously flattened! Under intolerable pressure to look great and keep my job by arriving at work on time, I was forced to return home to rewash and restyle my do. As a direct result of this traumatic inconvenience, I was two hours and forty-five minutes late for an important meeting about

Health and Safety at work. I am now being threatened with disciplinary action by my employer, a famous

Triad, who has exacerbated my trauma by calling me cruel names, like ‘Nancy-Boy’, ‘Turnip-Head’ and ‘Wash-and-Gone’. Who should I sue to resolve the situation? My Triad King boss, my hairstylist at Talas, or the tree?

Yours sincerely,

Flattened In Jade Villa

Dear Flattened In Jade Villa,

What a to-do! Sadly, palm trees, Triads and hairstylists are notoriously tricky to sue successfully. These types of common, everyday criminal are adept at projecting responsibility onto transient external factors, such as the wind, random bolts of lightning, the pollution, concrete boots, or the need for urgent medical attention from a tree surgeon. If you’re a homeowner residing at Jade Villa, you should really start by suing yourself for damages. If you are unwilling or unable to award yourself compensation, why not take yourself to the SAR High Court for a judge to decide which part of you is legally responsible? Hope this helps!

Lots of love, Auntie Sadie x

PS. If you’re really this sensitive, my fair laddie, what on earth do you think you’re doing working for the Triads? Perhaps it’s time to try hairstyling as a profession, not just as an obsession? Alternatively, for the cost of postage and a cheque for HKD$500, I’ll send you my Nobel Peace Prize-nominated, self-help pamphlet on Managing Triads With Devonian Insults.

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